The stupidity of the SNP's police merger plan

News reaches us exiles about the latest ludicrous SNP plans to destroy local policing while increasing the costs to the taxpayers north of the border. The Beeb has it here - Alex Salmond morfs into Jack Straw.

So from what I can gather the whackjobs running Scotland think they can save money by merging the eight police forces into one giant police force for the whole country.

If the Scots are so stupid to agree to this then here is my prediction for what will happen:

1. A new job of super commissioner would be created with a new super remuneration package to match. The eight (or at least seven depending on who got the new job) existing Chief Constables would no doubt be given very large pay offs/pensions by way of compensation.

2. Local people would demand some sort of influence over regional policing so the new super efficient force would set up (say) eight regional divisions - all headed by a commander who would obviously have to have a salary and pension package reflecting their seniority.

3. The new force would demand a new HQ as none of the existing ones would be large enough. This would cause a political row between Edinburgh and Glasgow over its sighting, so a EU style compromise would be reached with the new super efficient force having two brand new HQs - one in each city.

4. The IT wouldn't work so a new super efficient contract for new computers would be let and would come several hundred millions over budget.

5. Because the new force would have nearly 80,000 square kilometres and 790 islands to police it would clearly require a squadron of helicopters and a fleet of boats to be an effective crime fighting force. This new kit would obviously have to be top of the range with all singing and dancing functionality. And the cost would reflect this top of the range specification.

6. Of course the new force would need a new mission statement and brand. So the PR consultants would be brought in.

7. It would also be important not to ignore equalities and diversity issues. So compulsory training and development for all staff would be needed to make sure all staff were aware of their duties and a consistent approach was adopted country-wide.

8. Oh and bilingualism couldn't be overlooked - Scots Gaelic would have to have equality of respect in the force's literature, branding and signage and gaelic coordinators would obviously be useful across the force to ensure a consistency of approach.

The SNP claim a single Scottish police force would save £194 million.